Fake things. Like it or not, if you own a modern car it is almost certain to have something fake about it. Some cars fake their noise, some go for fake leather, while others just pretend to be something they are not.
This Thursday we celebrate the 5 worst automotive bluffs in existence today!
Fake exhaust tips
It really doesn’t matter if your car makes the most magnificent noise on the planet - if you go and feel the need (for whatever reason) go and add fake exhaust tips to your car, then you have simply ruined it.
There may be some deep technical reason you couldn’t run your exhausts out the traditional route, but that really doesn’t matter - if you feel the need to put some dramatically-styled chromed opening on the back to represent the mighty noise coming from you car, you have entirely missed the point.
But the worst offence comes from those manufacturers that who - through whatever reason - put fake outlets o the bumpers with the real exhaust opening right behind it. The Lexus IS-F and Ferrari California were the worst two offenders in this regard.
While the California was pretty much all window dressing and basically you ladies’ Ferrari, the IS-F was a pretty decent performance car and the fact that it had four massive fake exhaust outlets (two stacked on top of each other either side) and far more modest pipes not even lined up properly behind them was pretty much a slap in the face to anyone who bought one.
Ute wings
Generally speaking, on serious performance cars, wings on the rear end are there for every real performance reasons; generating downforce and, therefore, rear end grip. Stuck on a more normal road car, they are simply window-dressing to make the owner feel better.
Put on the rear of a ute, they are simply ridiculous. And an excellent indicator that the person who owns it is a complete and utter knob.
While something like a Dodge Ram SRT-10 might well have actual, proper performance, a wing is still utterly pointless. Stuck over the back of a Toyota Hilux with its leaf sprung rear end, diesel engine and a set-up for carrying a load is simply the most pointless thing on the planet.
If you own a ute with a wing on it, then you are pretty much at least as much a waste of space as the wing. Quite possibly bigger, if you have added a fake bonnet scoop and massive alloy wheels...
Plastic engine bay covers
Well, okay, these are utterly ubiquitous - everyone does them. But what, exactly, is the point?
When you pop the bonnet, you are generally expecting there to be an engine in there - so why hide it all behind a big, utterly boring plastic cover?
Are you embarrassed by how ugly your engine is? Is it particularly small? While, personally speaking, we have no idea what that is like, we are sure it is something that is relatively embarrassing, but that still doesn’t excuse the blatant use of unnecessary plastic.
The worst offenders, however, are the ones that try and make the plastic cover look a bit like an actual engine. fake exhaust manifolds and all. Hyundai, we are looking at you for your fabulous attempt to not only make your V6 engine cover in the Coupe/Tiburon look like the actual engine, but also make it look like it was longitudinally mounted, rather than the transverse arrangement that was far closer to reality...
Fake scoops, vents and air intakes
Whether it be fake side intakes, bonnet scoops or even just grilles with half of their area blanked off behind the mesh, fake air intakes are just lazy design by car manufacturers, or sheer stupidity by owners who stick them on at a later date.
You’re not fooling anyone, you do realise that, don’t you?
A base model 1993 Subaru Impreza doesn’t magically become a WRX just because you stick a bunch of fake scoops and intakes on it. Particularly if it still has the rear drum brakes... something we have sadly witnessed first hand...
But the worst offenders are supercars - the need to be dramatically styled leads to the temptation to just go mad with scoops and intakes, regardless of whether or not they are functional. The second worst offenders are any other manufacturer desperately trying to convince consumers that their “sport” badged model is actually sporty.
The sad fact is that all that added weight and wind resistance probably actually makes things worse...
Fake leather stitching
This is a relatively new trend - we have only recently seen it on a number of new models that are trying to appear more up-market than they actually are.
While they may have genuine leather seats with proper stitching (or artificial leather with proper stitching), the dashboard - and occasionally door trim - is where the fakery lies, with embossed stitching running across a soft-touch plastic dash or insert, simply to break it up and make it look less like plastic.
But , to be completely honest, this isn’t really a problem until you realise it is fake. Once you have done that you can never look it it again without thinking “That is fake stitching. Why would they do that?”
And now that we have pointed it out to you, you WILL look closer at your dashboard’s stitching (if it has it) and you WILL be annoyed by it every single time you look at it.
You’re welcome...